woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
