so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
