Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
