i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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