are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
