I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am available for nakedness
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
