What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
