normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
