Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
try to milk me bitch
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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