if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
