At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
