dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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