John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
