Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Randomize
