she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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