If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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