She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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