i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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