The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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