WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
