Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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