My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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