i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
