she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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