Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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