We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
