Old men and throwing up are my life now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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