If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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