This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
