Pappa wants mamma naked
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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