I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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