bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
