Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
