What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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