I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
