Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
