I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
