Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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