Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
