Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
