I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
