i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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