From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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