dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
