someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
