something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
