Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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