Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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