her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
