no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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