I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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