Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
