Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
