I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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