Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
