She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
