The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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