yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
