I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
