i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
