No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
