Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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