Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
