I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
