I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
