So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wanna go halves on a baby?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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