Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
