4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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