yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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