I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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