In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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