Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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