Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
only if we run a train.
done.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
