It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
