Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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