what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
