tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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