That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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