I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize