He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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